Tuesday, October 31, 2023

On growing up, life, and everything


Life is not beautiful. To hell with Roberto Benigni. He does not know what he is talking about. He must’ve been in the same frame of mind as I was until recently, quite, when he thought that. And made his grave misconceptions into a movie.

When you are a kid, yes,  life ‘seems’ so beautiful, almost angelic. You can care not for a Thing under the sun and let your spirits completely free. Enjoy the subtler pleasures of being born into this heavenly earth; wild scruff-of-the-neck fights with playmates, endless streams of innocent laughter at some weird thing which only kids find funny, brash reactions following trifle quarrels with persons you consider close at heart, and letting free your emotions at the least possible perturbation. Quiet times expended in active thinking(about things that would seem trivial to an adult), the thrills experienced at unraveling the simple charms of life, evenings spent wandering about in the shrubby enclosure behind your block of houses and fantasy-trips of wild imagination that enclosure behind your block of houses and fantasy-trips of wild imagination that ensconce all that you have ever yearned for, some of which might later go on to get conceptualized in the form of ambitions. Added to this the awe and wonderment with which the world outside your tiny little shell is looked at, the admiration for the universe and nature’s mini-paradises and a warm, respectful and look-up-to attitude towards adults, parents in particular. Yes, you tend to take most things for granted. Carefree. That’s the word. And the spirit.

As you grow up though, and knowledge of the world starts to trickle into your buzzing little brain, you begin to sense that life is not as you had assumed it to be; the warm shade, the cool soothing comfort. The all-too-rosy picture of life that you had painted exclusively for your reference starts to slowly become darker and grimmer, the roses themselves fading away from the canvas of imagination. You come to realize that behind the scenes, there is murk all around, and that to have even a remote chance of surviving amidst the chaos you have to first learn to assert yourself, marking every passing event with your own personality stamp. That it is now the society that calls the shots, and you have to use your intellect and discretion to play along if you simply are to survive. That the golden rule is to not take things for granted, for they are no more like that. The phase of growing up. On the way to become the adult that you once looked up to, respected, admired.

It is then that comes the realization that life was always as it was, as it is; it was your simple naivete that had drawn a clear screen on the monstrosity that life is. Masked the sheer and ruthless ‘game’ of struggle that it turns out as. And the vile and guile hidden beneath its characters. Life becomes a business deal; even with those you considered to be your friends. That now you can trust no one not will anyone trust you. That you cannot afford to care for someone, for one cares not for you. That you are all alone, standing tall in this ocean of madness, bearing upon yourself the sphere of your life. That you are not Atlas, you are YOU.

The sooner such a realization comes, the better, notwithstanding the finer pleasures of life that will be lost. You do not see nor know the point to it, but the goal lies ahead clearly defined, the goal of life. Growing up is hence a great phenomenon. But you have been all that you are not supposed to be, my dear myself, all for too long. You have been naive, childish, and taken things for granted. You thought you didn’t, but you made a great error in foreseeing. This shall not continue if you are to go somewhere, anywhere. For these are trinkets found on the road that leads nowhere.

Thou art on your own in this vast world of pleasure, joy, anguish and pain, where life just ‘seems’ beautiful, but isn’t so, no, not in heaven’s name. For it has elements evil, those besides the five, that infuse a bad taste and give it a bitter flavor. But in this, if you are to hold your own, you have to relish the experience, and the struggle, savor. It is high time I change. Now, there’s and intelligent person.